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How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good (Print) - $19.95 ISBN 978-1-4092-0379-0
Much has been written about how to attract a man. But once you have your man, how do you keep him? What will make him loyal, happy, contended and always with you?
How To Keep Your Man is your guide book to absolute happiness with your partner and relationship bliss. It is a must read for all women who desire a fulfilling and everlasting relationship.
You will ignite the fires of his passion.
He will see you as the girl of his dreams.
He will desire no other woman but you.
Written from the male perspective, this book will not only help single women attract the right man into their lives, it teaches women how to keep their man, and keep him for good.
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~ Reviews ~ Casandra, Reviewer/Reader, 27 August 2008 I've read a number of relationship type books over the years about how to find a man, how to keep a man, how to make a man love you. This one, How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good, is one of the better ones I've read. It offers some solid advice, from a male viewpoint, of how men think in relationships and what they want. This book helped me to sort out a few issues I was having with my partner, and helped me to understand him better. Although written for women, the book has actually helped him to understand me better too. It's a thumbs up from me. Even if you are single, it is definitely worth reading.
Caitlin Saunders, Reviewer, 23 August 2008 I recently read this book because my
partner and I were having a few problems. I chose it because of the title and
that it was written by a male author. I figured that would be helpful. And it
was.
M. Elsley, Reviewer, 23 July 2008 I am generally not a good reader
with books, unless they really get me in. Certainly this one has.
~ Excerpts ~ Communication Without effective communication between you and your partner your relationship will eventually be doomed. Everything else that’s good in the relationship will ultimately suffer if the channels of communication are not open.
Talk To UsUnfortunately, we men aren’t the mind readers many women seem to think and hope that we are. We are just not that gifted. More often than not we need to be told things, straight up and in plain English, for us to get the message and for it to sink in. If something is on your mind, tell us. Don’t just walk around presuming our powerful intuition will naturally kick in and we’ll tune into the signals. We may pick up on the vibe, but we won’t know exactly what it is. The chances of a light clicking on in our minds and the inner voice saying, “Ah ha, I know what it is,” are very slim. Once you have decided to talk to your man about something that is on your mind, you then have to decide on the best possible approach bring it up. This will depend on several factors.
· The nature of the subject · Your mood and his · The temperament of your partner
If the subject of your discussion or concern is of a sensitive nature, particularly for him, then you will have to choose your timing and words very carefully. Maybe even run it by a close friend first - preferably one who knows both you and your partner - what it is you want to say to your man, just in case it sounds like it might be coming out all wrong, or could be misinterpreted. If you are upset about something, or angry, try to refrain from announcing the issue while in this frame of mind. Approaching your man when you are angry will more than likely just lead to an argument. If a man feels like he is being verbally attacked (or is about to be) he will naturally go into defensive mode to repel that attack, and anything on your mind that you want to convey will either come out all wrong, or the problem will just be exacerbated. Likewise, if he is in a negative or moody mindset, wait until his mood is lighter before approaching him. Every man varies, as we all know, and that also applies to one’s temperament. Some men are very calm and relaxed, even in the face of adversity. Others are angered easily. Only you know the temperament of your man. Always keep that in mind when bringing up any sort of touchy subject and act accordingly.
Generally speaking women like to talk more than men. It’s just a part of a woman’s make up. However, men need to talk and express themselves as well. Sometimes your man will need to vent about the happenings of the day. Or he may have something on his mind that he just needs to get off his chest or bounce off of you. Be a good listener. Be attentive. Even if you don’t particularly want to hear about his day at work or whatever, take the time out to listen to him anyway. You don’t necessarily need to comment or offer an opinion. Just listen, be genuinely sympathetic or empathetic and let him know that you are always there for him if he needs to speak his mind. Male or female, we all need to know that our partner is there for us in every way, and that they will always have an attentive ear if we need to talk.
Feedback and InputIf you are with a man who never seeks your input nor respects your feedback, or a man who constantly ridicules you for your feedback and input, then he is not the kind of man you want to keep. Hopefully most readers are not with an egotistical, insensitive brute like that. A regular guy genuinely enjoys and respects feedback from the woman in his life. If he’s smart he’ll realise that he actually needs it. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, male or female, and there are always certain insights a woman can offer a situation that a man just won’t see. Real men want you to express your views on things, to tell them honestly what you think. Whether your man agrees with what you have to say or not is irrelevant. The important thing is that you are showing an interest in something he is doing, is planning on doing, or is interested in. If you really don’t like something he’s made, for example, try to be tactful in saying so. Maybe offer some tips for improvement? If the feedback has some positive element or angle attached to it, it will almost always be well received. Any man worth being with will relish feedback and input from his partner.
Be Supportive Your guy needs to know that you are supportive. It is something a man really relies on and thrives on within a relationship. If your support wavers, is inconsistent, or doesn’t exist at all, these are all factors that can really play with a man’s mind and ultimately his direction and motivation. Every man interviewed, surveyed, every man I’ve ever known, including myself, all stressed that the support of their partner in life’s endeavours and pursuits is a vital and key element in the eventual success or failure of those pursuits. When on our own, we men still pursue things. · Careers · Money · Adventure · Lifestyle However, our attention can often be somewhat divided among going after these things, and seeking out a life partner. Once in a loving relationship men can usually focus much better on the pursuit of careers and money and everything that comes with it. Sure, he still needs to pay attention to the lady in his life and nurture the relationship so it doesn’t wilt and die, but he naturally finds himself being able to focus more on other ventures than he ever could before. The reasons for this are simple. He now has two very important elements in his life fulfilled. · Stability · The support of a loving partner Now, once in this coexisting situation, if the state of the union between himself and his girl becomes unstable in any way, or she refuses to, or is inconsistent in offering her support of his endeavours, a man suddenly finds it very hard, if not virtually impossible, to give a project (or a goal or dream) his one hundred percent commitment and effort. That is why it is so vital for a woman to give her man complete support. In some ways this support does come with conditions attached. If your partner is hell bent on pursuing some ludicrous, possibly dangerous or otherwise foolish goal, then it will prove very difficult for you to support him on it. This is where your vital and much needed feedback and input really come into play. If his plans really aren’t wise, and you are sure no good will come of it, stick to your guns, tell him why you think the way you do and that you can’t offer support in such an endeavour. On the other hand, if his plans seem solid, or you are just not sure about them one way or the other, give him your vote of confidence. Offer positive input and help him see things through to fruition.
Don't Take Him For Granted Men, as much as women, like to be appreciated. We like compliments, need love and support, and a partner who is passionate about us as individuals, and passionate about our relationship together. We are all probably guilty of this. Male or female, we all, at least on occasion, fall into the trap of taking our partner for granted. Do you ever feel like this with your guy? Stop and think for a moment. Does your mind ever harbour any of these thoughts? · He’ll always be there · We’ll have sex another time · I don’t need to tell him I love him, he knows I do · He should buy me dinner, he’s a man · He knows I appreciate him · It’s his job to do that · I don’t have time to talk about this now These types of thoughts, and they creep insidiously into all of our minds from time to time, are signs of taking someone for granted. Remaining diligent in your relationship - being conscious of showing genuine appreciation, respect and gratitude – takes effort. And that’s the answer right there. We get complacent, we take our partner for granted, we take our relationships for granted, because the alternative takes effort! Think back to when you first met your partner; the excitement you felt, the thrill of the blossoming romance. Chances are you were constantly making a conscious effort to put your best foot forward, to please him as much as possible, thanking him for every little thing he did with warm hugs and passionate kisses. Why should this change? The only reason it changes is that, over time, we start to slacken off in our efforts. We have our partner now. It takes energy and effort to maintain that level of intense interaction and eagerness to please. How do you know he’ll always be there? We never know how much time we have. Live for the now. Enjoy the moment. Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today. It would be naive and somewhat unrealistic to suggest that any couple can maintain the level of passion and intensity first experienced at the start of, and during the early stages of the relationship. But we can make an effort in some way, every day, to keep the passion alive and eradicate boring routine. Try and think of at least one thing you can do every single day to show your man that you love him and appreciate him. This will have a very positive affect on him. Positive actions produce positive reactions. Chances are, he’ll start doing the same in return.
Quality Time Every relationship needs quality time for the bond to remain close and to strengthen over time. Without quality time together a couple will gradually become distant and somewhat alienated from each other. This section of the book is not just about spending quality time together. It’s also about quality time for him. Give Him SpaceMen need time out to themselves: Time to reflect on the day, a moment to ponder, a chance to wind down. How much time your man needs and how often depends on his personality and temperament, and the circumstances of his life. Perhaps his job is very physically and/or mentally demanding and draining. If that’s the case, the very first thing he’ll probably need at the end of a work day is some quiet time to himself for twenty minutes or so. This certainly isn’t the right time of the day to hit him up with a problem, or to tell him what’s on your mind. Greet him when he gets home, then let him be for half an hour. Men also like to have an area of the house that is exclusively their domain (like the shed or garage). We men need space at times for a number of reasons: · To work out, in our own minds, a problem or an issue · To ponder how to make more money · To relax without anyone talking to us · Unwind without any external stimuli (i.e. other people around, TV, music) · Time out for hobbies and recreational pursuits · Time to do guy stuff Everyone needs time out to themselves, but men do especially. We are by nature more aggressive creatures and that all important chill out time allows us to unwind and prevents us from becoming agitated. Make Time For HimThe modern world is often a busy and hectic one. Between work, chores, the children’s needs, family and friends, there is often not much time left in the day. Next thing you know it’s bed time, then the routine starts all over again from the moment you open your eyes in the morning. It is very easy for a week or two to slip by in the blink of an eye and suddenly realise you’ve hardly spent any quality time with the man in your life. In the previous topic we mentioned that your partner will need some quiet time to himself every so often. Help him to have that time, those moments of peace and serenity. Don’t try to fill every waking moment of his day with things to do. Likewise, in order to refresh your own mind and keep your sanity, you also need to allocate some quiet time alone for yourself as well. We all need this, at least in small doses. Most of all though, make certain the two of you get some quality alone time together. Even if you can’t be spontaneous about it and have to plan it, set aside a block of time at least once a week that is just for the two of you. Which leads us onto the next topic. Alone Time – TogetherHaving alone time together means exactly that: Alone. It doesn’t involve socialising with friends, going to a family gathering, or spending time together in a crowded shopping mall. Although these things may be time out from work and chores and you are technically ‘together’, they defeat the purpose of this much required element of your relationship. If it has to be planned or scheduled because of the constraints of everyday life then by all means plan it. If it can be spontaneous then all the better. Spontaneity adds a touch of excitement to your time together. When something is totally unplanned and adlib things tend to be more of a surprise and therefore much more fun and interesting. Also, the moment flows naturally and nothing feels forced like can happen in some predetermined situations. Don’t always wait for your partner to organise some togetherness time. Planning something for him and yourself is fine, especially if he doesn’t know about it and it’s all a surprise. Whatever you do together doesn’t have to cost money either, or at least be relatively inexpensive. Sharing a few glasses of good wine in the quiet hours of the night is a common and pleasant way to unwind together. The drop of alcohol also lends itself to freeing up the pair of you so that the moment and ensuing conversation flows in a relaxed manner. Casually walking arm in arm on the beach or by the banks of a river or stream is great. It costs nothing to do and the presence and sound of water always has a calming influence. A simple picnic on in a quiet area during a pleasant country drive is another good option. It gets you both out of the house and the routine. You add that little bit of adventure to the outing by not planning exactly where you are going to drive to, or where you are going to stop. A picnic also affords the opportunity to indulge in some relaxed and quality conversation. Who knows? You may even get intimate? It doesn’t really matter what you do so long as the time spent together in these special moments isn’t interrupted or interspersed with the routines of your everyday lives.
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